SJWs Enjoy Censorship Victory Over ‘Show Dogs’ Movie

Social Justice Warriors won a victory today against a movie featuring talking dogs and apparent “sexual molestation” and “pedophilia”… which was all, in my opinion, imagination and hysteria.

It wasn’t just our left-wing lunatic SJWs this time…oh no, they got some help from their holy roller puritan SJWs.

The fact that these two factions were successful in forcing a major motion picture to censor their movie, over something this absurd and ridiculous, is testimony only to the imbecility and weakness of our nation.

“Wont somebody think of the god damn children!”

The outrage started when some pearl-clutching bible-thumping social justice warrior wrote about the questionable movie scene in a blog called macaroni kid.

Her paranoid fear mongering fever dream about how liberal Hollywood is grooming our children to be ready for pedophilia was neatly written with “concern for the children” and quickly caught on with the whiny mob of social media.

I know what some of you are thinking… “but Hollywood IS brainwashing our children!”

Propaganda and political agenda have always been used in media, there’s no question about that… but if you think that a 3 minute comedic scene in a stupid movie is some grand Illuminati plot to prepare your children for acts of pedophilia, then congratulations, you’re a fucking moron.

It’s idiotic fantasy.

The #metoo crowd is up in arms about the anthropomorphized dog character getting groped by dog show judges because “the dog didn’t give expressed, written consent to have his balls fondled” and that’s going to make our kids think it’s okay to touch people without consent!

Give me a fucking break. Your adhd, ritalin warped kids aren’t going to remember that movie 20 minutes after they leave the theater and if they actually did remember the scene from that movie, do you really actually think it’s going to be successful in making them think pedophilia is normal??

That’s absolutely absurd considering we vehemently teach our children in schools that unwanted touching is not acceptable.

And hey, did you ever think of this? Maybe instead of rallying the social justice league against a movie, you could take some responsibility in educating your own damn children about the potential risks they may face in life?

Fuck it, just bubble-wrap an empty room and stick your kids in there until they’re 18 if you’re that paranoid. Or hey, maybe just don’t go see the movie?

I’m totally fine with parents warning each other and writing blogs about potentially bad movies with unwarranted PG ratings, totally fine with it… but when people get into this “ban everything I don’t like!” mode, well fuck them.

As for the high-horse religious fundamentalists who warrior against halloween, movies, video games and everything else in life, I don’t want to hear shit from you about your concern over pedophilia.

The church and organized religion is probably the biggest culprits of sexual abuse known to mankind (oh, sorry feminists, I mean “humynkind”)

If you want to knight up against pedophilia maybe you should shut down your own beloved church?… oh, you wont rest until some fucktarded, fictional movie is shut down or censored, but you’ll turn a blind eye to the actual rampant abuse going on in your own backyard?

Enjoy your victory social justice warriors.. and don’t stop there, I urge you to keep it up so we’ll all be living in a 1984 style dystopia where there are no movies, no video games, no rude language, no freedom of expression, nothing, just a good, clean, polite and pure fucking society to live in.

Ok, that last part was a little dramatic, but hey, you assholes started it. 😉

Advertisements

Anti-Capitalist Accidentally Wins Lottery; Abandons Anarchy

anti-capitalist-accidentally-wins-lottery-abandons-anarchy

Mitchell just turned 18 and was ready to fight the system and smash the state. What better way to stick it to the man than to hop a gondola for a free ride to Ocala for the ‘Regional Rainbow Gathering’? he thought.

He planned to hitch a ride from a travel plaza in South Carolina to a train yard outside of Charleston, hop a gondola en route to Savanna then hop the hot shot to Jacksonville, meet up with his “comrades” there, then hitchhike towards Ocala National Forest.

It was a plan that would guarantee an exciting few weeks of drinking, debauchery and living wild and free.  Something happened, however, that he quite naturally did not anticipate…

While panhandling and asking for rides at the travel plaza (without  much luck) he noticed that the man who was playing keno in the rest area left a plastic bag behind; containing some scratch offs (already scratched off), and a few lottery tickets (live tickets.)

“What a dumb ass” he said to himself as he stuffed the lottery tickets into his pocket and went on about his day.

The next few weeks were as adventurous and fulfilling as he hoped they would be. As he was unpacking his gear back in his home in South Carolina, he came across the lottery tickets that he had forgotten all about that he stuffed down inside of his pack.

“Money is oppressive and capitalism sucks” he said. “Everything you need, you can just pluck it from the trees” he added. Just for ‘shits and giggles’, however, he decided to have the lottery tickets checked.

To his absolute amazement he held within his hand a winning lottery ticket that would soon award him an astonishing $100,000 (before taxes that is)

After collecting the money he thought the first order of anarcho-communist business was to throw a raging party for all his friends and buy a massive amount of beer and drugs. (cool move, homie)

Unfortunately, this wasn’t good enough for his collective. They wanted him to redistribute all of the funds back into the community.

He refused to give it up and was quickly ostracized by the same group he just fed $1200 worth of beer and cocaine to.

“I mean, maybe I should have given the money to the community, but I figured I could use that to go to college and get educated and fight the system from within, ya know?”

Heresy! the group thought, and they turned on him.

After feeling so much rejection from his peers, he decided that maybe anarcho-communism wasn’t right for him.

“I think I’m more of a minarchist anyway. Those guys suck”.

Moral of the story: money talks, bullshit walks 😉

social-justice-warrior-t-shirt

Ban List – A List of the Most Offensive Things Ever

lets-ban-everything

The world is just far too fragile to be able to live in peace when people have so much freedom, so obviously everything must be banned.

Here is a list of the things that should go first and the reasons why.

  • Guns – they are bad and only bad people have them, ban them now!
  • Alcohol – is bad, and it only leads to more dangerous drugs like marijuana
  • Weed – is bad and only leads to more dangerous things like alcohol
  • White people – white people procreating is a criminal act, ban it
  • Christianity – it threatens the only peaceful religion ever; Islam
  • Islam – It’s patriarchal and oppressive to women and homosexuals
  • Europeans – because they are oppressive to Muslims
  • Straight Men – because they are homophobic
  • Cis Gendered Men – because they are transphobic
  • Toy Guns – Because they are actually real guns too
  • Video Games – they are sexist and only 35 year old white guys play them
  • Marilyn Manson – Offensive to Christians
  • Socks – They are offensive to indigenous people who don’t have them
  • Shoes – only rich white people wear shoes, ban them
  • Casinos – a breeding ground for rich white capitalism
  • Capitalism – because free markets breed rich white people who oppress
  • Christmas – promotes commercialism and gluttony
  • Thin People – they body shame over-weight people just by existing
  • Sports Cars – only rich white people drive sports cars
  • Rock Music – Stolen from Africans and turned into white devil music
  • Rap Music – promotes gun use, rape culture and sexism
  • Condoms – protects rapists from being identifiable
  • Abortions – God doesn’t like it when you kill babies
  • Babies – Over population is somehow bigotry, get an abortion
  • Frosted Flakes – white people cereal that implies white superiority
  • Wal Mart – enables rednecks to survive, ban it!
  • Trucks – only rednecks drive trucks
  • Rednecks – Self-explanatory, Ban them
  • Cheetos – they look like Donald Trump, ban them
  • Snow – Offensive to Africans and Latinxs
  • Milk Duds – racist
  • Oreos – very racist
  • Punk Rockers – they have mohawks; cultural appropriation of natives
  • Belts – body shaming devices
  • Scales – super offensive body shaming device
  • Disney Movies – Walt Disney was a Nazi
  • Emma Watson – Is a quasi-feminist Nazi sympathizer aka a Nazi
  • Scallops – bourgeois white people food, ban it
  • False Teeth – offensive to people with no teeth who can’t afford them
  • Jackets – culturally appropriating the homeless veterans
  • Veterans – baby killing jingoists
  • The American Flag – extremely racist
  • Coloring Books – offensive to poor kids with no crayons
  • Dildos – anti-feminist devices propagating male dominance
  • Chinese Food in USA – Chinese people have no idea what it is
  • Toilets – offensive to hillbillies who must poo in the woods
  • Zippers – possibly the most racist thing ever invented
  • CD Players – ancient devices used to spread sexism and racism with rap and rock
  • Meat – the Earth made vegetables for you to eat, not animals
  • Vegetables – expensive rich white people food
  • Books – Anti-Jewish propaganda
  • News – Israeli propaganda
  • Make up – anti-feminist tool of oppression (offensive to Muslims too)
  • Burkas – patriarchal oppression
  • Zelda – because everyone thinks Zelda is Link, and it’s sexist
  • Violins – a musical instrument invented by racists that only whites enjoy
  • Halloween – Cultural appropriation
  • Al Bundy – Fictional, misogynistic character right wingers love
  • Tampons – invented by men to make women ashamed of their periods
  • Free Speech – amendment designed for flag burning Nazis
  • Jokes – are never funny, ban them!

social-justice-warrior-t-shirt

Poser Feels Betrayed by Johnny Ramone’s Political Affiliation

poser-feels-betrayed-by-johnny-ramones-political-affiliation

It’s super hard being an upper middle class punk rocker in suburbia, especially when you’re the only one who “gets it”… at least, that’s what our friend Devin believes; who confidently begins all of his rants with “punk is actually about.”

For “years” (actually only about 2 years) Devin has been an avid fan of the old school punk band ‘The Ramones’.

“The Ramones are pretty much what got me into punk, they’re not posers like Green Day”. He told us.

On a recent trip to Hot Topic to buy some ‘manic panic’ red hair dye, some posters and a leather studded wristband, Devin found himself engaged in small talk with the store manager. A conversation that would ultimately lead to a devastating realization.

Noticing that Devin was sporting his favorite Ramones Tee, the manager brought up Johnny Ramone and they engaged in discussion.

The conversation was friendly and going rather well, until the store manager said:

“Yeah, it’s kinda funny that Johnny Ramone was such a hardcore Republican.”

Devin was instantly livid and felt like the store manager stuck a dagger through his heart.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Devin ignorantly replied. “Johnny Ramone wasn’t a fucking Republican”.

Seeing that he was visibly upset, the store manager diplomatically said “I could be wrong, just something I heard once” and then rang him up.

It was a quiet car ride home from the mall that evening. The only thing Devin could think about was what that store manager had said to him. He even refused when his mommy asked if he wanted to stop and get a Wendy’s Frosty.

Could it be true? Devin finally mustered up the courage to get on google and look up Johnny Ramone’s political affiliation.

“I felt betrayed” Devin told us. “Punk is actually about anarchy, communism and fighting bigotry. I can’t fucking believe Johnny Ramone was a conservative.” He went on, “Punk is actually about love and all conservatives want is hate. Punk is actually about peace and all conservatives want is war. Punk is peace, love and anarchy.”

We don’t suspect Devin will be wearing his once favorite Ramones tee anymore. Fortunately, however, the Che Guevara Tee that he had his mom order for him from Amazon should be arriving any day now, and he’ll have a brand new shirt to wear that he doesn’t fully understand. 😉

Thought Criminal T-Shirt