Girl Joins All Female Gym; Regrets Decision

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Sandra recently subscribed to the Facebook page ‘Every Day Feminism’ and after being exposed to 100% true information about all men being sexist perverts, she decided to join an all female gym.

Unfortunately, the patriarchal oppression she has endured since birth was too far ingrained, and she began regretting her decision.

Her skimpy outfits just seemed like a waste of money now. Her ridiculously toned body was underappreciated and the attention she once had was now replaced with hallow loneliness.

“I hate to say it” she told us, “but I miss guys checking me out at the gym. I know that’s wrong and anti-feminist, but it’s true.”

She had nowhere else to turn, so she asked her feminist Facebook friends for some advice.

They told her that she was just brainwashed by a male-dominated society and that every time a man looked at her that they were actually raping her.

The only way she could liberate herself from the objectification was to not deliberately expose herself for other’s entertainment.

Sandra listened to her new-found feminist buddies and decided to stay at the all female gym, to finally put an end to this horrid objectification.

She took council from and formed a sisterhood bond with her comrades, who later this week are scheduled to protest white male patriarchal oppression by showing up in public without any shirts or bras on.

“Free the nipple”

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Idiots Attempt Satirical Anti-SJW Blog; Fail Miserably

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In the grand tradition of so called “anti-social justice warriors” failing at satire and humor, the blog “I Love Social Justice Warriors” is no exception.

The writers of the “I Love Social Justice Warriors” blog are embarrassingly convinced of their ability to intellectually derive humor from cultural and societal extremes, but are in fact failing every day at it.

Lacking the ability to appreciate the severity of social issues and undermining the causes to rectify societal ills, they somehow believe they are being comical; which they are not.

Jokes are not funny.

Humor is merely a way to cloak partiality and indifference, and their attempted ‘punk rock’ satire isn’t fooling anyone; they are bigots.

We’ve reached a point in our human evolution where any attempts to mock or criticize the efforts of social justice advocates are indisputably counter-productive. This is observed through chronological examination of hundreds of years of cultural anthropology.

Attempting to masquerade as free-thinking classical liberals, (rather than the right-wing fascists that they are) they are confessional in their dishonesty; they want to destroy the social justice movement via failed humor.

Anyone who indulges in the ‘I Love Social Justice Warriors’ blogs are merely showcasing their appetite to spread fear, misunderstanding and bigotry.

You absolutely cannot be anything but a racist, misogynistic, homophobic bigot unless you are fully on board with progressive left-wing social justice.

If you are a self-proclaimed “Anti-Social Justice Warrior” you are a bigot and you belong in jail. Social Justice has the government and the law on our side and any attempts to thwart it will be met with swift retaliation.

Again, the writers at “I Love Social Justice Warriors” are pathetic bigots and all of their fans are too.

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SJW Realizes He’s Being a Fascist

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“Social Justice is important to me” Brai told us. “There was once a time in our American history where cops wouldn’t even file paper work on people who were beaten up for being gay. To me that’s unacceptable.”

Brai recently attended a campus protest to shut down a conservative speaker who was invited to his University. It dawned on him as he looked around the room and watched everyone chanting “Hey Hey, Ho Ho, this racist, homophobic scum bag’s got to go” over and over.

“We are being fascists” he said. “Sure, I don’t like the anti-homosexual commentary that is spewing out of his mouth on that stage, standing there in a position of authority while hundreds of students listen to him, but there has to be a better way to go about this. He has his right to freedom of speech too, right?”

Brai spoke with the organizers of the protest and offered his idea.

Big mistake.

The student council and protest organizers were livid and began shouting in his face that he was a nazi sympathizer and that anyone who supported freedom of speech were supporting hate speech.

“I think they acted ridiculously” he told us. “I will never stop fighting for social justice and equality, but I will do so with enlightenment, discussion, and education, not attempting to shut down everyone I disagree with.”

A reasonable idea we thought, but unfortunately Brai is now known among the social justice warrior crowd at his school as ‘Brai the Nazi Guy’.

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Alt-Right ‘Bad Ass’ Questions Sexuality After Trying Vegan Food

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His name is Jimmy. His hobbies include posting Pepe memes, triggering ‘special snowflakes’ online, agreeing with Tomi Lahren,  investigating pizzagate, and shit-posting on 4chan.

Recently Jimmy got himself into a masochistic relationship with a quasi-feminist; this is basically a delusional girl who tries to be new age, liberal and hip but really she’s just a trailer park princess who bathes irregularly and likes tarot cards.

They met at Denny’s.

Shawna, his beloved new 3rd place trophy girlfriend, recently converted to vegetarianism. As such, she is always trying to get Jimmy to try vegan options, but he believes he is just far too masculine to eat gay vegan food.

One afternoon Shawna convinced Jimmy to hop in her Ford pickup truck, littered with radical-left wing and witch craft related bumper stickers, and drive downtown for lunch at some hipster restaurant.

After a bout of incessant nagging and a vying for power from Shawna, Jimmy reluctantly agreed to allow her to order their lunch… she told him he was getting a cheese steak, but little did he know it was a faux-meat, vegan “un-cheese” steak.

With a rather pompous grin on her face, she watched with delight as he finished his vegan “cheese steak” and then asked “How did you like your first vegan cheese steak?” and then chuckled.

Jimmy was outraged by this deception, he mumbled something about libtards, stormed out and then refused to talk all the way home.

Something was weighing heavy on Jimmy’s mind on that car ride home, however. Was it possible that he actually enjoyed the Vegan sandwich that he ate at the hipster dive?

“I can’t believe she did that to me, feeding me that horrible dog-shit vegan food” he told us. “I’ve never tasted anything so revolting in my life.”

Jimmy paused for a moment…

“Ah, who am I kidding?” he said. “It was fucking delicious.”

Fearing his masculinity was in jeopardy, he immediately turned to watching hardcore lesbian strangle porn, drank a 5th of whiskey neat, smoked a case of cigars, shot $300 worth of ammunition from various assault rifles and handguns, and somehow managed to find a baby seal and proceeded to club it to death and eat it raw.

“I’m tough” Jimmy said. “Fuckin’ snowflakes and their vegan food.”

Shawna told us that, a month later, she caught Jimmy at the hipster restaurant downtown to where she suspects he was ordering a vegan cheese steak. Jimmy denies this accusation.

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Anti-Capitalist Accidentally Wins Lottery; Abandons Anarchy

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Mitchell just turned 18 and was ready to fight the system and smash the state. What better way to stick it to the man than to hop a gondola for a free ride to Ocala for the ‘Regional Rainbow Gathering’? he thought.

He planned to hitch a ride from a travel plaza in South Carolina to a train yard outside of Charleston, hop a gondola en route to Savanna then hop the hot shot to Jacksonville, meet up with his “comrades” there, then hitchhike towards Ocala National Forest.

It was a plan that would guarantee an exciting few weeks of drinking, debauchery and living wild and free.  Something happened, however, that he quite naturally did not anticipate…

While panhandling and asking for rides at the travel plaza (without  much luck) he noticed that the man who was playing keno in the rest area left a plastic bag behind; containing some scratch offs (already scratched off), and a few lottery tickets (live tickets.)

“What a dumb ass” he said to himself as he stuffed the lottery tickets into his pocket and went on about his day.

The next few weeks were as adventurous and fulfilling as he hoped they would be. As he was unpacking his gear back in his home in South Carolina, he came across the lottery tickets that he had forgotten all about that he stuffed down inside of his pack.

“Money is oppressive and capitalism sucks” he said. “Everything you need, you can just pluck it from the trees” he added. Just for ‘shits and giggles’, however, he decided to have the lottery tickets checked.

To his absolute amazement he held within his hand a winning lottery ticket that would soon award him an astonishing $100,000 (before taxes that is)

After collecting the money he thought the first order of anarcho-communist business was to throw a raging party for all his friends and buy a massive amount of beer and drugs. (cool move, homie)

Unfortunately, this wasn’t good enough for his collective. They wanted him to redistribute all of the funds back into the community.

He refused to give it up and was quickly ostracized by the same group he just fed $1200 worth of beer and cocaine to.

“I mean, maybe I should have given the money to the community, but I figured I could use that to go to college and get educated and fight the system from within, ya know?”

Heresy! the group thought, and they turned on him.

After feeling so much rejection from his peers, he decided that maybe anarcho-communism wasn’t right for him.

“I think I’m more of a minarchist anyway. Those guys suck”.

Moral of the story: money talks, bullshit walks 😉

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Ban List – A List of the Most Offensive Things Ever

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The world is just far too fragile to be able to live in peace when people have so much freedom, so obviously everything must be banned.

Here is a list of the things that should go first and the reasons why.

  • Guns – they are bad and only bad people have them, ban them now!
  • Alcohol – is bad, and it only leads to more dangerous drugs like marijuana
  • Weed – is bad and only leads to more dangerous things like alcohol
  • White people – white people procreating is a criminal act, ban it
  • Christianity – it threatens the only peaceful religion ever; Islam
  • Islam – It’s patriarchal and oppressive to women and homosexuals
  • Europeans – because they are oppressive to Muslims
  • Straight Men – because they are homophobic
  • Cis Gendered Men – because they are transphobic
  • Toy Guns – Because they are actually real guns too
  • Video Games – they are sexist and only 35 year old white guys play them
  • Marilyn Manson – Offensive to Christians
  • Socks – They are offensive to indigenous people who don’t have them
  • Shoes – only rich white people wear shoes, ban them
  • Casinos – a breeding ground for rich white capitalism
  • Capitalism – because free markets breed rich white people who oppress
  • Christmas – promotes commercialism and gluttony
  • Thin People – they body shame over-weight people just by existing
  • Sports Cars – only rich white people drive sports cars
  • Rock Music – Stolen from Africans and turned into white devil music
  • Rap Music – promotes gun use, rape culture and sexism
  • Condoms – protects rapists from being identifiable
  • Abortions – God doesn’t like it when you kill babies
  • Babies – Over population is somehow bigotry, get an abortion
  • Frosted Flakes – white people cereal that implies white superiority
  • Wal Mart – enables rednecks to survive, ban it!
  • Trucks – only rednecks drive trucks
  • Rednecks – Self-explanatory, Ban them
  • Cheetos – they look like Donald Trump, ban them
  • Snow – Offensive to Africans and Latinxs
  • Milk Duds – racist
  • Oreos – very racist
  • Punk Rockers – they have mohawks; cultural appropriation of natives
  • Belts – body shaming devices
  • Scales – super offensive body shaming device
  • Disney Movies – Walt Disney was a Nazi
  • Emma Watson – Is a quasi-feminist Nazi sympathizer aka a Nazi
  • Scallops – bourgeois white people food, ban it
  • False Teeth – offensive to people with no teeth who can’t afford them
  • Jackets – culturally appropriating the homeless veterans
  • Veterans – baby killing jingoists
  • The American Flag – extremely racist
  • Coloring Books – offensive to poor kids with no crayons
  • Dildos – anti-feminist devices propagating male dominance
  • Chinese Food in USA – Chinese people have no idea what it is
  • Toilets – offensive to hillbillies who must poo in the woods
  • Zippers – possibly the most racist thing ever invented
  • CD Players – ancient devices used to spread sexism and racism with rap and rock
  • Meat – the Earth made vegetables for you to eat, not animals
  • Vegetables – expensive rich white people food
  • Books – Anti-Jewish propaganda
  • News – Israeli propaganda
  • Make up – anti-feminist tool of oppression (offensive to Muslims too)
  • Burkas – patriarchal oppression
  • Zelda – because everyone thinks Zelda is Link, and it’s sexist
  • Violins – a musical instrument invented by racists that only whites enjoy
  • Halloween – Cultural appropriation
  • Al Bundy – Fictional, misogynistic character right wingers love
  • Tampons – invented by men to make women ashamed of their periods
  • Free Speech – amendment designed for flag burning Nazis
  • Jokes – are never funny, ban them!

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Smug Liberal Feels Superior by Switching to Reusable Grocery Bags

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3 weeks ago Jean had an epiphany; she was contributing far too much to the destruction of the planet by accepting plastic bags at the grocery store.

“Plastic is like, bad, and we should stop hurting the planet with plastic. All oil companies want to do is make money, they don’t care about the planet”. She told us.

Feeling accomplished she took to Facebook to announce her new found environmentalism and suggested that all of her friends follow her brave lead.

“So I am now bringing my own shopping bags to the grocery store and I’m no longer buying water bottles… you should do the same 😉 ” she added.

Jean only has 3 organic reusable totes made from 85% recycled material at the moment, but she told us that she plans to get more.

“My SUV can hold at least 10 bags, so I’m definitely getting more. I need to buy a lot of groceries to feed my 7 kids, lol. I also drive the extra 20 miles to go to Wholefoods to make sure everyone is eating healthy.” she explained.  “This is so awesome, I’m doing so much for the environment, it allows me to sleep better at night knowing I’m no longer part of the problem.”

Jean is doing a great job at protecting mother earth, and we salute her for it!  Great job Jean!

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