How to Have Sex with Feminists

Some of us have an inexplicable desire to engage in rough coitus with feminist women, for reasons far beyond our own imaginable comprehension.

Here is the ultimate guide to achieving consensual relations with feminist bitches.

How to Have Sex with Feminists

The first thing one must understand before they embark upon their journey of banging feminist broads, is that feminists absolutely detest men who say they are feminists.

They will post on twitter, facebook, etc. about how they appreciate men who are “down with the cause” but I assure you that this is pure fallacy.

Do not, under any circumstances, say that you are a feminist or that you are politically driven to fight for the cause of women’s rights. They hate that shit.

A majority of women who have adopted the ‘feminist’ label have done so because they were rejected by the hot beefcake alpha-male jock in high school.

If you present yourself as a beta-male cucklord she will dry up like the Sahara desert.

Intelligence is a virtuous, noble and grand trait to posses while you’re in the company of educated men who are of sound reason and mind, but to flaunt it in front of a feminist is a surefire route directly to masturbationville.

The more of a dumb, lunkheaded imbecile you fashion yourself to be, the more of a chance you will have at performing the deeds of carnal lust.

Once you have established that you’re firmly, but inconceivably, against feminism and you hold the belief that women were created for the pleasure of men, you’re pretty much home free.

If she asks you who you voted for, don’t lie and say ‘Gary Johnson’, just tell her you voted for Trump, it will make her so aroused she wont even want to sign the comprehensive sexual consent forms that you most certainly should have brought with you.

The only thing I have left to say is “You’re Welcome”.

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Why Modern Women Should Retire the ‘Feminist’ Label

What I’ve learned from former feminists who no longer call themselves feminists:

The word ‘feminist’ is a proud label for some women, for others it’s a word that sounds like nails scratching across a chalk board, and for some it may have a neutral effect.

Feminism has witnessed many changes in its lifespan but has primarily focused around the idea of female empowerment, women’s rights and sex/gender equality.

It may be surprising to some people that there are modern women who have rejected the ‘feminist’ label, even though they are career focused individuals who believe in liberty, equal opportunity and personal responsibility.

Why have these women rejected the ‘Feminist’ label?

The word ‘Feminism’ in itself may have been a poor word choice, from the beginning, to represent a movement that is based on establishing equality.

For example, if someone touted that they were a ‘whiteist’ but claimed they believed in racial equality… would you believe them? Probably not.

The word ‘Feminism’ is poised, from its origin, to be unbalanced; It overemphasizes and is reactionary. This may have been a deliberate, and understandable, intention in the early 20th Century, but in more egalitarian times the word has become less necessary and sometimes embarrassing for certain women.

While these women may pay homage to their predecessors who fought for their future right to vote, own property, work and live how they so desire, they feel the movement has dwindled and lost its focus and usefulness.

The feminist movement derailed when it was hijacked by those who no longer wanted to establish an equilibrium between the sexes but rather usurp it as a method of revenge against men and the ‘patriarchy’.

There are some women who call themselves feminists that truly do just want liberation and equality, they latch on to the word because it was a movement that resulted in a lot of positive political, economic and social change…

…But it may be time to retire the word, according to many former feminists.

It may be time to simply say it’s no longer necessary to wear that label. It may be time when we can just say we are people who believe in freedom and individual rights. It may be time to stop the bickering between the sexes, the ‘us’ vs ‘them’ scenario that is played over and over with no beneficial outcome.

Sexism, sexual assault, injustice etc. are all things we have to deal with as a society, but wearing a ‘feminist’ label on your sleeve ready to ‘smash the patriarchy’ and blame all men for everything isn’t the way to go about it.

It’s time to retire the ‘Feminist’ label and join civilized, adult society.

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Feminist Angry That Her Boyfriend Cleans Better Than Her

The two main catalysts to the feminist uprising in our Nation’s history was the fight for a woman’s right to vote (prior to 1919) and, of course, the never-ending argument over who is doing the dishes.

There’s two words that feminists really hate hearing; “Sandwiches” and “Dishes.”  It triggers their “post traumatic stress disorder.”

An odd thing happened to Bianca, aged 23, when she noticed that her boyfriend, who recently moved into her apartment with her, did an exceptional job at cleaning the place up.

At first Bianca was satisfied about the shattering of gender roles and her boyfriend’s willingness to do the dishes and scrub the toilets.

A baser instinct must have kicked in, however, when she felt guilty and attempted to help him clean…

He said to her “It’s okay Bianca, I got this, just watch some T.V. and i’ll come join you when I’m finished.” He then jokingly added “haha, I clean better than you anyway.”

She was livid. She knew deep down that it was true.  A part of her felt that it was her turf; a thought that must have been instilled in her from years of patriarchal indoctrination.

It was quite the dilemma for the ardent feminist; If she did the cleaning that would be oppressive and misogynistic… but if he cleaned better than her, then that would also be oppressive and misogynistic.

She jumped in and started doing the dishes anyway…  she smiled and said “feminism is about equality so we’ll share the chores!”  She was very confused and angry, but those were some seriously sparkling ass dishes when she was done.

Man Learns How to Make Sandwich; Seeks Divorce

Bill never realized how easy it was to make his own sandwich. Since his wife (who had recently discovered how much of a feminist she was after years of abysmal servitude) refused to make him a sandwich on ‘International Women’s Day’, he was forced to learn.

“That shit is easy” he told us “It’s just two pieces of bread and you throw some crap in the middle and bada-bing-bada-boom you’re done.”

After discovering how easy it was, Bill started questioning his need to have a wife at all.

“What good is she for? I mean, if I gotta make my own sandwiches, why do I need her?” He debated with himself. “I mean, look at me, I’m a prized catch, I could be out there scoring 21 year old girls all the time.”

Bill made an excellent point. Being as athletic and handsome as he most certainly is, why should he settle for a wife who refuses to make him a damn sandwich?

Bill plans to call a divorce lawyer tomorrow, right after he makes himself a gnarly sandwich.

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Girl Joins All Female Gym; Regrets Decision

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Sandra recently subscribed to the Facebook page ‘Every Day Feminism’ and after being exposed to 100% true information about all men being sexist perverts, she decided to join an all female gym.

Unfortunately, the patriarchal oppression she has endured since birth was too far ingrained, and she began regretting her decision.

Her skimpy outfits just seemed like a waste of money now. Her ridiculously toned body was underappreciated and the attention she once had was now replaced with hallow loneliness.

“I hate to say it” she told us, “but I miss guys checking me out at the gym. I know that’s wrong and anti-feminist, but it’s true.”

She had nowhere else to turn, so she asked her feminist Facebook friends for some advice.

They told her that she was just brainwashed by a male-dominated society and that every time a man looked at her that they were actually raping her.

The only way she could liberate herself from the objectification was to not deliberately expose herself for other’s entertainment.

Sandra listened to her new-found feminist buddies and decided to stay at the all female gym, to finally put an end to this horrid objectification.

She took council from and formed a sisterhood bond with her comrades, who later this week are scheduled to protest white male patriarchal oppression by showing up in public without any shirts or bras on.

“Free the nipple”

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Feminist Goes Entire Day Without Saying ‘Misogynistic’

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In the last 365 days Zeda has said the word ‘misogynistic’ 3643 times, about 10 times per day for a year.

Recently, Zeda went an entire day without saying the word ‘misogynistic’; which was nothing short of a miracle.

Was it laryngitis? Was she in a coma? Was she sleeping off a massive hangover from drinking ’til 6am? Did someone hypnotize her?

We had to find out.

“Misogyny is running rampant in our country. All men are sexist and benefit from the oppression of women at every moment of their lives” she told us. “but that particular day I was actually working on an essay for my gender studies class and confined myself to my dorm room, away from any distraction”.

Our curiosity could no longer be contained, we had to know what she was writing about. Thankfully, she was willing to share with us the essay she was working on that day:

Misogyny’

By: Zeda 

“America was never great, especially for women. We have long endured the misogynistic paradigms which have enabled male dominance in our society. In fact, our culture has been extremely misogynistic since the conception of this country in the 18th century and has been prevalent in almost every society since the beginning of recorded history.

Misogynistic behaviorism has been carefully built into the architecture of human life, by men, to ensure their power over us. They cleverly normalize misogynistic behavior in order to quell any potential uprooting of said power by deeming the very opposition presented as anti-human. When women speak out against the patriarchy they’re always charged with the crime of hindering fecundity via allegations of deliberate abstinence or rejection of heterosexual intercourse.

This is not only misogynistic but demonstrates homophobic tendencies among cis-gendered males as well. Men attempt to discredit feminism by realigning its definition to be lesbianic and misandric, rather than its accurate interpretation; equality.

Misogynistic normality is thus preserved through this deliberate misconstruing of empirical data.  Arguably this places the deconstruction of misogynistic infrastructure into the very hands of the misogynistic perpetrators.

In other words, the struggle of feminism becomes the fight to convince misogynistic men to destroy the power of misogynistic men.” 

Well, there you have it folks, an incredible feat accomplished. Zeda, the feminist, miraculously went an entire day without SAYING the word ‘misogynistic’. 😉

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Feminist Seeks Therapy After Laughing at Rape Joke

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Roxanne and her roommate decided to take a break from fighting the patriarchy and explaining things to people in a condescending manner with exaggerated vowel pronunciations to sit in their dorm room and chill for the night.

Becky, the roommate, was a little less politically correct than Roxanne and decided to put on a George Carlin’s stand up playlist on Youtube.

Roxanne thought Carlin was a bit too misogynistic for her, but since she had a fresh quart of Ben & Jerry’s organic almond milk chocolate ‘frozen dessert’, she decided not to complain this one time.

Besides, she had a lot of homework for her Gender Studies class to catch up on and at least it would make some good background noise, she thought.

The night was lax and all was well… until, that is, something happened that would totally shatter her entire perception of reality and how she viewed herself as a human being.

She heard George Carlin’s stand up comedy playing in the background to where he made a joke about Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd… and she laughed.

“I seriously cannot believe I laughed at a rape joke. I just seriously contributed to the perpetuating of rape culture, white privilege and the propagation of the fascist patriarchy. I am such a horrible person.” She cried.

Fearing that her careless laughter was the result of deep-seated conditioning perpetrated by a male-dominated, misogynistic society, she sought immediate help.

“I contacted the guidance counselor and scheduled a meeting right away, this is seriously not cool, I can’t even.”

A therapy dog was released by the school to Roxanne’s care to help her through this traumatizing event. She is expected to make a full recovery in about a year and half after she graduates and lives in the real world for a few days.

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