How to Have Sex with Feminists

Some of us have an inexplicable desire to engage in rough coitus with feminist women, for reasons far beyond our own imaginable comprehension.

Here is the ultimate guide to achieving consensual relations with feminist bitches.

How to Have Sex with Feminists

The first thing one must understand before they embark upon their journey of banging feminist broads, is that feminists absolutely detest men who say they are feminists.

They will post on twitter, facebook, etc. about how they appreciate men who are “down with the cause” but I assure you that this is pure fallacy.

Do not, under any circumstances, say that you are a feminist or that you are politically driven to fight for the cause of women’s rights. They hate that shit.

A majority of women who have adopted the ‘feminist’ label have done so because they were rejected by the hot beefcake alpha-male jock in high school.

If you present yourself as a beta-male cucklord she will dry up like the Sahara desert.

Intelligence is a virtuous, noble and grand trait to posses while you’re in the company of educated men who are of sound reason and mind, but to flaunt it in front of a feminist is a surefire route directly to masturbationville.

The more of a dumb, lunkheaded imbecile you fashion yourself to be, the more of a chance you will have at performing the deeds of carnal lust.

Once you have established that you’re firmly, but inconceivably, against feminism and you hold the belief that women were created for the pleasure of men, you’re pretty much home free.

If she asks you who you voted for, don’t lie and say ‘Gary Johnson’, just tell her you voted for Trump, it will make her so aroused she wont even want to sign the comprehensive sexual consent forms that you most certainly should have brought with you.

The only thing I have left to say is “You’re Welcome”.

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Bette Midler Wants to Bang Rand Paul

Bette Midler posted a rather telling tweet on twitter yesterday about Rand Paul.

At a cursory glance it may seem like she doesn’t like him, and she wants his neighbor to beat him up again…

In actuality it’s misdirected sexual frustration. You see, Rand Paul doesn’t want to have sexual intercourse with Bette Midler. I know I know,  he must be gay to turn down such a sexy old woman like her, but hey, we all have our preferences, right?

Apparently she doesn’t handle rejection well.  Poor old bag just needs some wind beneath her wings.

Read this Blog or We’ll Shoot this Dog

We have an escalating problem in America that requires immediate attention; we’re forgetting how to fucking laugh.

Don’t worry, we’re not actually going to kill the dog… this is an image taken from a 1973 issue of National Lampoon magazine, and its purpose is to illustrate a point.

There have always been advocacy groups, religious groups, cry baby groups etc. that have tried to stifle free expression in our nation. These groups wont be going away, and this article isn’t really directed towards them personally.

This article focuses more on the artists themselves and the growing acceptance that there is no longer an appropriate arena for dark humor.

Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s, I remember that the approach to rampant political correctness or puritan religious groups was almost always ‘fuck them, we’ll fight back and we’ll come out with shit to piss them off even more’.

That attitude has changed significantly as pointed out by veteran comedians such as Mel Brooks, who stated that “political correctness is killing comedy”.

Political correctness isn’t killing comedy. It’s our collective willingness to accept political correctness as a viable force that is killing comedy. The artists, publishers, companies etc. who are bending to this madness is what is killing comedy.

Political correctness should be fueling comedy. This should be a golden age, a renaissance of dark humor, a revisiting of that attitude that we’re not going to bend to the whim of radical puritans who resolve to strip away our free expression and claim victory for the whiny, smug, intolerant authoritarians of our society.

Remember the ’94 Hart Bochner cinematic classic ‘PCU’? You know how easy it would be to do a remake of that movie in today’s climate? It would be epic.

Artists, however, are pulling away from ‘questionable’ material like this out of fear of backlash, out of fear they will reduce their careers to ruin.

The intellectual community, the artistic community, the liberal community, need to reanalyze the importance of comedy and remember that there is a distinguishable difference between the propagation of bigotry and the celebration of humor.

I assure you this is not a virtue signal, but rather an effort to illustrate the key difference between the two:

Racism is and has been for a long time one thing that I simply don’t like. When I was discussing the 1967 Mulford Act with a group of conservative gun rights advocates, I was surprised by their willingness to bend their ‘unwavering’ support for gun liberty when the objective was to disarm or hinder the gun rights of black people, as such was the focus of the 1967 Mulford Act.

To be fair, many conservatives and libertarians are against the Mulford act, but you’ll find people out there who are fairly comfortable with the idea of disarming black people.

This is a real political issue that requires a sober perspective and clear insight… far different from racial humor.

The social justice warriors of today think that there is no place for racial humor because it leads to these types of ‘macro-oppression’s’.

Bullocks. Racial humor is fuckin’ fantastic.

It’s a beautiful sight to see a black man and white man joke around with each other, derive humor from stereotypes and afterward smile, shake hands and drink a damn beer together like adults who are capable of not taking shit too seriously.

This happens all the time in the real world. It’s a scary and dangerous premise for a sheltered college regressive to understand, but I assure you it’s very common and most people don’t think it’s a huge deep-seated problem until you indoctrinate them with the idea that there’s malice involved.

It is perfectly reasonable to assess that someone who is not racist, not sexist, not homophobic can make racist sexist and homophobic jokes and keep it within the parameter of humor, Joan Rivers did it all the time. I would be daring enough to say that it’s a bonding experience moreso than a cause for a massive triggering.

The point is, we’re adults, we can handle making fun of each other. I can handle people making fun of me and my beliefs and what not and I am able to detect when there’s humor involved from an occasion where there’s malice intended. We have this ability, there’s no need to send comedy to the altar of sacrifice.

To my fellow artists and comedians out there, I implore, please stop giving in to this regressive pseudo-liberal orthodoxy and stand firm in your efforts to bring humor and delight to the world and stop worrying about offending a bunch of PC college thugs.

Remember what George Carlin said. “Political Correctness is America’s newest form of Intolerance”.

 

Nancy Pelosi ‘Stare-Raped’ Me

Somewhere amidst my tenure of calling people cucks and snowflakes I realized that I too was a human being with feelings and emotions. *sad face*

I came to this unsettling epiphany  during a congressional banquet where I was in attendance as an intern and was fortunate enough to dine with a major league roster of Republicans and Democrats.

Sometime during the event I noticed something rather irregular; a sort of burning sensation that I was being “inappropriately analyzed.”

The perpetrator of this heinous assault was none other than Nancy Pelosi, who I had originally thought was a wax statue decoration in the banquet hall because I previously hadn’t noticed any movement of any kind from her.

Had the feminists been right all along? Was there really such thing as “stare rape”?

Before that event I would’ve laughed, called you a cucklord and strutted away in my confident arrogance that you were a special snowflake.

My greatest fear was realized, however, that the feminists were right, stare rape was a real thing and it was happening to me!

With each visual caress from Pelosi I became startlingly aware that I was a victim of stare rape; she was undressing me with her eyes and thinking about ravenous sexual intercourse with me, no doubt.

It was such a tremendous violation that, beyond my reasonable judgement, I took to receding into isolation and engaged in a regiment of coloring book therapy for months.

#metoo

Bitches Love the Patriarchy

“The happiest woman on earth is the one who fully submits to a man.” ~ Some jackass

He’s right though.

You see, women are no different than children. Remember the movie Titanic? Where they only let women and children on the life boats after Titanic started to sink?

Me either, because only women and children watch that gay ass movie.

100% of women are incapable of leadership and instinctively everyone knows they are just children that need the right amount of attention.

Once you give a woman the right amount of attention, she will happily clean your toilet in high heels while you fuck her doggy style.

Why is this? Because the relentless crying from women is just a test from women to find out who the real men are.

The fake men are the ones who say they are feminists and agree that women are equal to them.

Ha!

Women are not equal to men, men are Kings and women are servants to their masters.

Every day a woman who has strayed from reality and ventured into the idiotic realm of feminism wanders back, settles down with a man, has children and becomes the happiest creature on earth.

Secretly bitches love the patriarchy… but shhh, it’s a big secret 😉

How to Prevent Your Son From Becoming a Cuck

What’s a Cuck? Well, ‘Cuck’ is derived from ‘Cuckold’, which is a man who allows his wife numerous sex partners because he is unable to physically, or otherwise, satisfy her.

Moving on.

Congratulations! You’ve recently had a son and like all Fathers (and Mothers too) you don’t want your son to grow up to be a little pussy who lets other men fuck his wife.

Here is the comprehensive guide to prevent that from happening

Elementary School

It’s a well known fact that public schools have been infiltrated by Marxists who want to indoctrinate and brainwash your children at an early age to ensure your child will be compatible with, and accepting to, a new communist revolution in America.

Their objective with young boys is to emasculate them and make them ashamed of anything remotely masculine.  They’ll encourage them to destroy any conventional thinking that relies on normal, time-tested gender roles. In essence they want your boy to be a girl.

Fortunately for parents, with proper leadership they can surmount this egregious attempt at fucking your kid up.

They wont let your kindergartener play with toy guns at school, but luckily real guns are quite easily purchased and most shooting ranges wont care if you bring your 5 year old down to pop off a few rounds.

Your son should be properly introduced to firearms as early as possible. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than shooting the shit out of something.

By the time he’s 9 he should be at a ‘sniper’ level of shooting.

In order to stand a chance against the brainwashing, you have to teach your son that crying is for women, feelings are lame, and that while violence should be avoided, it should never be ruled out completely as a possible outcome.

For example, if you’re hiking through the forest with your 9 year old son and he spots a deer and says “oh, look how cute that deer is”… immediately go to your truck, grab your .30-30 Winchester and explain to your son that he’s not leaving until that deer is dead, cleaned, and in the back of your truck.

Now a lot of people (mostly liberal women) will think this is cruel and unnecessary to make a 9 year old boy kill something and gut it with a hunting knife… but they’ll be the ones who have cuckold sons; your son will grow up to be a KING.

Middle School

Uh oh, your son is at that age where he’s starting to notice girls. Hit the panic button! Right?  Wrong.

Feminist losers will try to make your son feel guilty for looking at women, they’ll even call him a rapist if he looks at a woman’s cleavage for more than 3 seconds.

Fear not, we’re here to help.

A young man thinking that a woman is sexy is perfectly normal.  Never under any circumstances say or do anything to make him think otherwise.

If you walk into your son’s room and he’s looking at naked women on the internet don’t yell at him and ground him. Instead, tell him about the good sites like redtube and pornhub.

The minute you try to stop him or make him feel guilty is the very instant that you’ve confirmed everything that the feminist Marxists have been trying to brainwash him with for years. He’ll think that looking at naked women is perverted (it’s not, it’s normal), he’ll think that there’s something wrong with him and most likely turn into a cuck one day.

High School

If you’ve instilled discipline, morality and proper gender identification into your son over the past 14 years, then you’re almost home free.

At this point he should know how to be both a chivalrous gentleman as well as a savage beast.  They are both necessary to the equilibrium of the male brain… compassion is just as important as aggression. Embrace it. Be a man.

By 14 he should know how to work and what work ethic is and have held at least one summer job.  (It’s best to get boys doing physically demanding labor by age 8 to be sure they don’t cuckold one day.)

When he turns 16 make sure he gets his license and has a cool car.  Do not buy him one of those gay hybrid energy efficient environmentally sound cars, buy him a gas-guzzling muscle car… the more it pollutes, the better.  If you do it right the earth should be 3 degrees hotter from global warming after he’s done driving around 100 different girls by the time he hits college.

College

The best thing to do is to avoid college completely and get your son into a trade school or get him his CDL like a real man. It’s an expensive day-care center riddled with propagandists and Marxists.

But if college is the course of action you feel you must take, so be it. Make sure he hangs out with good lads who routinely reject feminist nonsense and know how to be real men. Make sure he goes to Frat parties, drinks ’til 9am, fuck tons of women and have little to no regard of the feelings of those around him.

Make sure he knows, if anyone calls him a ‘douche bag’ to take it as a compliment because they’re just jealous haters, and haters gonna hate.

Congratulations, your son has avoided becoming a cuckold. You’re welcome.

Feminist Angry That Her Boyfriend Cleans Better Than Her

The two main catalysts to the feminist uprising in our Nation’s history was the fight for a woman’s right to vote (prior to 1919) and, of course, the never-ending argument over who is doing the dishes.

There’s two words that feminists really hate hearing; “Sandwiches” and “Dishes.”  It triggers their “post traumatic stress disorder.”

An odd thing happened to Bianca, aged 23, when she noticed that her boyfriend, who recently moved into her apartment with her, did an exceptional job at cleaning the place up.

At first Bianca was satisfied about the shattering of gender roles and her boyfriend’s willingness to do the dishes and scrub the toilets.

A baser instinct must have kicked in, however, when she felt guilty and attempted to help him clean…

He said to her “It’s okay Bianca, I got this, just watch some T.V. and i’ll come join you when I’m finished.” He then jokingly added “haha, I clean better than you anyway.”

She was livid. She knew deep down that it was true.  A part of her felt that it was her turf; a thought that must have been instilled in her from years of patriarchal indoctrination.

It was quite the dilemma for the ardent feminist; If she did the cleaning that would be oppressive and misogynistic… but if he cleaned better than her, then that would also be oppressive and misogynistic.

She jumped in and started doing the dishes anyway…  she smiled and said “feminism is about equality so we’ll share the chores!”  She was very confused and angry, but those were some seriously sparkling ass dishes when she was done.