Alt-Right ‘Bad Ass’ Questions Sexuality After Trying Vegan Food

alt-right-bad-ass-questions-sexuality-after-trying-vegan-food

His name is Jimmy. His hobbies include posting Pepe memes, triggering ‘special snowflakes’ online, agreeing with Tomi Lahren,  investigating pizzagate, and shit-posting on 4chan.

Recently Jimmy got himself into a masochistic relationship with a quasi-feminist; this is basically a delusional girl who tries to be new age, liberal and hip but really she’s just a trailer park princess who bathes irregularly and likes tarot cards.

They met at Denny’s.

Shawna, his beloved new 3rd place trophy girlfriend, recently converted to vegetarianism. As such, she is always trying to get Jimmy to try vegan options, but he believes he is just far too masculine to eat gay vegan food.

One afternoon Shawna convinced Jimmy to hop in her Ford pickup truck, littered with radical-left wing and witch craft related bumper stickers, and drive downtown for lunch at some hipster restaurant.

After a bout of incessant nagging and a vying for power from Shawna, Jimmy reluctantly agreed to allow her to order their lunch… she told him he was getting a cheese steak, but little did he know it was a faux-meat, vegan “un-cheese” steak.

With a rather pompous grin on her face, she watched with delight as he finished his vegan “cheese steak” and then asked “How did you like your first vegan cheese steak?” and then chuckled.

Jimmy was outraged by this deception, he mumbled something about libtards, stormed out and then refused to talk all the way home.

Something was weighing heavy on Jimmy’s mind on that car ride home, however. Was it possible that he actually enjoyed the Vegan sandwich that he ate at the hipster dive?

“I can’t believe she did that to me, feeding me that horrible dog-shit vegan food” he told us. “I’ve never tasted anything so revolting in my life.”

Jimmy paused for a moment…

“Ah, who am I kidding?” he said. “It was fucking delicious.”

Fearing his masculinity was in jeopardy, he immediately turned to watching hardcore lesbian strangle porn, drank a 5th of whiskey neat, smoked a case of cigars, shot $300 worth of ammunition from various assault rifles and handguns, and somehow managed to find a baby seal and proceeded to club it to death and eat it raw.

“I’m tough” Jimmy said. “Fuckin’ snowflakes and their vegan food.”

Shawna told us that, a month later, she caught Jimmy at the hipster restaurant downtown to where she suspects he was ordering a vegan cheese steak. Jimmy denies this accusation.

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