Like many of us, Jesse lacked the necessary physical upper-body strength, stamina and overall physique to participate in competitive sports like football in high school.
Unfortunately he also sucked at playing the guitar, was afraid to skateboard and the only time he ever drank a beer it gave him a tummy ache; so he was pretty much a social outcast.
Oh and he sucked at chess too, so all the nerds laughed at him as well, en passant.
Jesse struggled with his evident, tormenting and seemingly perpetual virginity. That is, until he started college and realized there may yet be hope with the previously undiscovered social trend of academia; politics.
“I started getting involved with social justice activism and I was able to meet and converse with like-minded individuals.” Jesse told us. “My professors taught me about white privilege, racial bias, and how women and minorities in our society are treated as second-class citizens.”
Jesse had finally found a social order that would accept him, and more importantly it gave him access to females which was otherwise an implausibility. Naturally, he ran with it.
“Like, I take this stuff seriously, if I hear anyone saying something racist, misogynistic, transphobic, sexist, islamaphobic, homophobic, xenophobic, or bigoted I’m gonna call them on their shit. I might even throw down!” Jesse added.
Despite being friend-zoned multiple times by his female comrades, our buddy Jesse didn’t give up hope. He began seeking the affection of a pretty young woman who attended his gender studies class. He was on a secret mission to win her over.
“This girl is amazing. She’s passionate about woman’s rights and social justice, and yeah, she’s just amazing. If anyone tried to insult her, they’d have me to deal with.”
Gwen, our lovely young aforementioned lady, however, had other plans. She started dating a guy named Chaz, who coincidentally was a star athlete with chiseled abs and bulging muscles.
Jesse was not happy. When asked how he felt, he told us:
“I seriously don’t get how a girl like Gwen could pick a douche bro like Chaz over me. He must have brainwashed her or something. I mean, I carry her books to class for her, I view her as an equal, I pay for her lunch almost every day because I know she only gets paid 77 cents for every dollar I make at the same job we work at, I stand up for her rights as a woman, I start her car and drive it up to the curb when it’s raining and cold, I’d do anything for her, I practically worship this girl. I really don’t understand how she ended up with that neanderthal jock and not me. I. JUST. DON’T. GET. IT.”
Jesse still hasn’t gotten laid, but we’re sure it will happen soon… I mean, women love guys like Jesse, right?